Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
