Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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