he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
