Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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