i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
