fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
