Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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