TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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