batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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