does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
