can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
