If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
