Your tits are I can't wait for
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
