i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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