WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
