I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
