now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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