well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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