Need sex. Gaining weight.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
