I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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