Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
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