I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
