I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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