You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
