its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
