You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's official drugs can't kill me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
