Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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