um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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