well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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