i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
