felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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