I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
