ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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