So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
