He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
