Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
