So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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