i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
