I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
