Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
