A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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