Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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