Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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