I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
