S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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