Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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