Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
