I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
