Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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