If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
