Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
