He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
