I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
