You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
