I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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