Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
